Newspaper Accounts

These are various newspaper reports about how the Crimpanfortis family is attempting to save civilization through revolutionary billboards. These articles also give us the scoop on where the world is headed in its dizzying search for utopia.  We also learn about the Kalabrashion crowd, who have been arch rivals of the Crimpanfortis brand for generations. Here’s a selection of upcoming reports:


Tattoos overcome supply chain issues

Crosswalk etiquette

Halloween as an industry

Getting tricked on the Internet – again!

People in it for themselves; i.e. television personalities

It’s all an act – come on, people; don’t buy into it!

Computers making us isolationists

RFID chip anyone?

Paymor Kalabrashion’s counterfeit billboards

What corruption?

Combination high-rise homes and billboards

Robots and animatronics versus real stunt people

What it takes to connect with the public

The Crimpanfortis Touch: good as gold still . . .

Avoiding “dark displays”

Daddy doesn’t want gambling

If it’s genuine, you’ll know it

Our very own “Sustainability Queen”

Cameras make a difference in diffused light

A big player on the organic supply side

The coming advertising wars: how to protect yourself

Billboards that are 1,200 feet tall

Catwalks become high-rent balconies

Musicals that can be produced here economically

Additional billboard security: do we really need it?

The ten-year anniversary of the Second Great Sun Spot Dilemma

Reliving the firestorm at the Five-Points Highway Diner

Will we return to normal after this?

President of US becomes pitchman for questionable products

Strong-arm tactics for lack of lawn watering techniques

Snake River boasts population of 15 million

Dating service for Luddites

How cities can promote themselves

What loss of industry means to civic self esteem

Where do you go with the lights begin to flicker?

Sometimes your music won’t salvage you

I saw things on the cinema ceiling I shouldn’t have

Sometimes you gotta go with what got you there

Floating streetlights

Blaming society on your fear of failure

The only thing I want to blubber is my whales

The Slick Water Gazette weighs in on violent seltzer spraying

Politician prisoners need color printers too

What’s this about huge birds on the horizon?

Kalabrashions connect with a casino – yes, another one

Will there be poker tables at 790 feet?

Can we tactfully move from one contentious area to the next?

Making your billboard into a spa

Hey! Who said anything about the corruption of low tide?

Are we ever gonna get our flying cars back?

Mars anyone?

No gas shortage after state dinner goes sideways

Society fails in its “Big Game Intermission”
They better never start selling tickets for this turkey

Turning up the volume on disgraced politicians

Pathetic town can’t get act together

Will faxes ever be “super safe” again?

Walking the alligator is needed too

New Crimpanfortis display features “modified belly dancing”

Is there really a species called “Vermont Crocodiles?”

Look out for those copycat Kalabrashions!

The dolphin is airlifted out from above – shudder!

How’s that “Christmas in July” working out for you?

Wildlife on the tops of billboards – really?

“Kickoff to Hysteria:” this knockoff stuff needs to stop!

The Crimpanfortis Family and the pro football franchise

Morris Crimpanfortis goes six for six!

Dr. Hedroikin at your service . . .