Newspaper Accounts
These are various newspaper reports about how the Crimpanfortis family is attempting to save civilization through revolutionary billboards. These articles also give us the scoop on where the world is headed in its dizzying search for utopia. We also learn about the Kalabrashion crowd, who have been arch rivals of the Crimpanfortis brand for generations. Here’s a selection of upcoming reports:
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Tattoos overcome supply chain issues
Crosswalk etiquette
Halloween as an industry
Getting tricked on the Internet – again!
People in it for themselves; i.e. television personalities
It’s all an act – come on, people; don’t buy into it!
Computers making us isolationists
RFID chip anyone?
Paymor Kalabrashion’s counterfeit billboards
What corruption?
Combination high-rise homes and billboards
Robots and animatronics versus real stunt people
What it takes to connect with the public
The Crimpanfortis Touch: good as gold still . . .
Avoiding “dark displays”
Daddy doesn’t want gambling
If it’s genuine, you’ll know it
Our very own “Sustainability Queen”
Cameras make a difference in diffused light
A big player on the organic supply side
The coming advertising wars: how to protect yourself
Billboards that are 1,200 feet tall
Catwalks become high-rent balconies
Musicals that can be produced here economically
Additional billboard security: do we really need it?
The ten-year anniversary of the Second Great Sun Spot Dilemma
Reliving the firestorm at the Five-Points Highway Diner
Will we return to normal after this?
President of US becomes pitchman for questionable products
Strong-arm tactics for lack of lawn watering techniques
Snake River boasts population of 15 million
Dating service for Luddites
How cities can promote themselves
What loss of industry means to civic self esteem
Where do you go with the lights begin to flicker?
Sometimes your music won’t salvage you
I saw things on the cinema ceiling I shouldn’t have
Sometimes you gotta go with what got you there
Floating streetlights
Blaming society on your fear of failure
The only thing I want to blubber is my whales
The Slick Water Gazette weighs in on violent seltzer spraying
Politician prisoners need color printers too
What’s this about huge birds on the horizon?
Kalabrashions connect with a casino – yes, another one
Will there be poker tables at 790 feet?
Can we tactfully move from one contentious area to the next?
Making your billboard into a spa
Hey! Who said anything about the corruption of low tide?
Are we ever gonna get our flying cars back?
Mars anyone?
No gas shortage after state dinner goes sideways
Society fails in its “Big Game Intermission”
They better never start selling tickets for this turkey
Turning up the volume on disgraced politicians
Pathetic town can’t get act together
Will faxes ever be “super safe” again?
Walking the alligator is needed too
New Crimpanfortis display features “modified belly dancing”
Is there really a species called “Vermont Crocodiles?”
Look out for those copycat Kalabrashions!
The dolphin is airlifted out from above – shudder!
How’s that “Christmas in July” working out for you?
Wildlife on the tops of billboards – really?
“Kickoff to Hysteria:” this knockoff stuff needs to stop!
The Crimpanfortis Family and the pro football franchise
Morris Crimpanfortis goes six for six!
Dr. Hedroikin at your service . . .
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