Movie Pitches
Cousin Candy from Nashville is the one Morris pitches to for movie and dramatic TV series. Cousin Candy is a lot nicer than Noreen, but she cuts Morris down to size just the same. Morris has his doubts about Cousin Candy’s IQ, but has to keep these thoughts securely under wraps. Examples of his movie pitches include:
________________________________________________________________________
Detective has a “suspect” suspect list
Hijinks erupt over identical used cars
Ice cream truck driver runs for president
Player “cleans” locker room after tough loss
Future geniuses watching kids’ TV shows
Conspiracy monger signs whopping radio deal
Zealous security guard locks down convenience store
People in a town all talk like auctioneers
Child becomes jockey to support is ne’er-do-well family
People at furniture store bet the sofa
Billionaire replays Super Bowl in backyard
A movie starring preschoolers adverse to technology
Sports reporter always asks the explosive questions
Sports anchor gets tackled and beat up a lot
Scouring the world for the perfect Christmas tree
A tiny town scores a humungous college bowl game
A corporate spy takes pity on his disenfranchised coworkers
Sitcom about “fly-over country”
Santa and Robin Hood join forces
Man must decide when his risqué blog takes off
Man is at odds with commercial side of Christmas
Incompetent man finds success in social media
Man’s girlfriend is possessed
Squirrels are bred to become butlers
“Walter” is a cheesy play on the name Walter Pidgeon
Nasty skywriter commandeers neighborhood
Flaming walnuts fall from trees
The evolution of train graffiti in his neighborhood
There are “Ghost Months” that don’t actually exist
Peoples’ teeth leave the mouths at night
Bringing back the art of sign painting by hand
Sports guy has a hit put on him
Woman is too meticulous stocking grocery shelves at night
Waiter is transported to oil paintings between courses
An “office tower” consists of stacked phone booths
Farmer makes millions off his land by digging a big lake
Hat Eaters Café, where people make unsubstantiated claims
New kind of play-calling in All Quarterback League
Political commentator snubs homeless
Infirmary has grossest walls in America
Cheerleader does undercover work for sponsor
Legendary guitarist is homeless in Wyoming
Postage-size backyards become infinite when sun goes down
Town cowers from squadron of incompetent aerial performers
A network of small towns builds its own race car circuit
A detective spends the majority of time in men’s room
Mob hitmen go undercover as golfers
The “Parachute Invaders” land right on your street
Old-West time travelers hit Hippie era and have a ball
The most stringent parking regulations in America
Man in Las Vegas is daredevil with zany hand gestures
Man can’t wear clothes that aren’t straight from the drycleaner
Town gets marching orders from local radio station
Everyone in town is required to do sponsor mentions
A fleet of trucks and their drivers have “practice”
A town out West where license plates are from Indiana
A town where cars are “tapped” before the drivers knowing
Off-kilter baseball league hires “Birthing Shortstops”
“Retail Smell” makes people buy more: ultimately backfires
A yearlong obsession with sending Christmas cards
Man is proverbial “Last Person on Earth” following movie
They are the “Demolition Kings” football squad
Parallel Las Vegas universe where people bet on people
Bigfoot goes tropical
Group of guys invents podcast topics and market them
Sports writer gets on wrong side of lethal female franchise owner
Evil man turns recording studio into a torture chamber
Man finds aimless fun in gated Florida community
The oldest man ever to play professional football
Launching pad for time travelers is sold while they’re away
Traffic reporter changes personality depending on market
Plumbing firm has cringe-worthy customer follow-up
On-air retribution for incorrect sportscasters and weathercasters
Man has “feeling” that his friend will win big, clearinghouse lottery
Man learns how to drive an 18-wheeler and goes cross-country
Man always plays the “birthday card” in order to get out of things
________________________________________________________________________