Movie Pitches

Cousin Candy from Nashville is the one Morris pitches to for movie and dramatic TV series. Cousin Candy is a lot nicer than Noreen, but she cuts Morris down to size just the same. Morris has his doubts about Cousin Candy’s IQ, but has to keep these thoughts securely under wraps. Examples of his movie pitches include:


Detective has a “suspect” suspect list

Hijinks erupt over identical used cars

Ice cream truck driver runs for president

Player “cleans” locker room after tough loss

Future geniuses watching kids’ TV shows

Conspiracy monger signs whopping radio deal

Zealous security guard locks down convenience store

People in a town all talk like auctioneers

Child becomes jockey to support is ne’er-do-well family

People at furniture store bet the sofa

Billionaire replays Super Bowl in backyard

A movie starring preschoolers adverse to technology

Sports reporter always asks the explosive questions

Sports anchor gets tackled and beat up a lot

Scouring the world for the perfect Christmas tree

A tiny town scores a humungous college bowl game

A corporate spy takes pity on his disenfranchised coworkers

Sitcom about “fly-over country”

Santa and Robin Hood join forces

Man must decide when his risqué blog takes off

Man is at odds with commercial side of Christmas

Incompetent man finds success in social media

Man’s girlfriend is possessed

Squirrels are bred to become butlers

“Walter” is a cheesy play on the name Walter Pidgeon

Nasty skywriter commandeers neighborhood

Flaming walnuts fall from trees

The evolution of train graffiti in his neighborhood

There are “Ghost Months” that don’t actually exist

Peoples’ teeth leave the mouths at night

Bringing back the art of sign painting by hand

Sports guy has a hit put on him

Woman is too meticulous stocking grocery shelves at night

Waiter is transported to oil paintings between courses

An “office tower” consists of stacked phone booths

Farmer makes millions off his land by digging a big lake

Hat Eaters Café, where people make unsubstantiated claims

New kind of play-calling in All Quarterback League

Political commentator snubs homeless

Infirmary has grossest walls in America

Cheerleader does undercover work for sponsor

Legendary guitarist is homeless in Wyoming

Postage-size backyards become infinite when sun goes down

Town cowers from squadron of incompetent aerial performers

A network of small towns builds its own race car circuit

A detective spends the majority of time in men’s room

Mob hitmen go undercover as golfers

The “Parachute Invaders” land right on your street

Old-West time travelers hit Hippie era and have a ball

The most stringent parking regulations in America

Man in Las Vegas is daredevil with zany hand gestures

Man can’t wear clothes that aren’t straight from the drycleaner

Town gets marching orders from local radio station

Everyone in town is required to do sponsor mentions

A fleet of trucks and their drivers have “practice”

A town out West where license plates are from Indiana

A town where cars are “tapped” before the drivers knowing

Off-kilter baseball league hires “Birthing Shortstops”

“Retail Smell” makes people buy more: ultimately backfires

A yearlong obsession with sending Christmas cards

Man is proverbial “Last Person on Earth” following movie

They are the “Demolition Kings” football squad

Parallel Las Vegas universe where people bet on people

Bigfoot goes tropical

Group of guys invents podcast topics and market them

Sports writer gets on wrong side of lethal female franchise owner

Evil man turns recording studio into a torture chamber

Man finds aimless fun in gated Florida community

The oldest man ever to play professional football

Launching pad for time travelers is sold while they’re away

Traffic reporter changes personality depending on market

Plumbing firm has cringe-worthy customer follow-up

On-air retribution for incorrect sportscasters and weathercasters

Man has “feeling” that his friend will win big, clearinghouse lottery

Man learns how to drive an 18-wheeler and goes cross-country

Man always plays the “birthday card” in order to get out of things