Noreen Crimpanfortis delivers a press release that shows the ingenuity and creativity of the Crimpanfortis advertising group. It’s no secret they will go to any length to best the competition. The Lader HVAC group is the newest company to employ the patented “Crimpanfortis Touch” to bring great notoriety to its brand. Why the gator you may ask? Well, the name “Lader” over the years came to be associated with the old saying “Later Gator.” So, when they approached the Crimpanfortis family, they were deadest on working in an alligator. And they got one: a real one. No chintzy animatronic geegaws on this world-class display. He (or she) will be sliding down a Plexiglas waterslide on the fifteens, landing right along the Interstate. Who will carry it back up? Morey V?

Soon to be Basking at Room Temperature Somewhere Over Ohio

What do alligators and air conditioners have in common? The Outdoor Division of Hyper-Citation Media, Inc. is bringing more sizzle to the staid and–dare we say–boring world of traditional HVAC than we’re witnessed in quite some time–if ever.

But Why an Alligator?

Noreen Crimpanfortis, Vice President of Business Affairs for Hyper Citation, is reaching into her bag of tricks to bring a sense of danger to this new “Live-Action” signage. “I suppose the first question everyone asks is why an alligator? Isn’t that kind of a stretch? Has Hyper Citation gone so far over-the-top that they’ve more interested in the sensational than with getting their clients’ messages out?” Ms. Crimpanfortis is the first to dispel any of these criticisms. “Let’s get something straight. The Outdoor Division is on a roll right now. We’ve gone from basically a standing stop to being the most talked about form of advertising in the world. Seriously. So if you’re talking about going over-the-top, you have to ask yourself the question: ‘over-the-top’ of what? Don’t forget, we have Paymor Kalabrashion as our stiffest competition. We can’t ever take that crowd for granted. We’ve got to keep moving, keep being innovative and resourceful. And this alligator campaign is a fine example of doing just that.”

No Grandstand Ploy . . . Really?

Ms. Crimpanfortis explains that bringing the reptile up from Florida to Ohio wasn’t just a grandstand ploy. The name of the client is “Lader Climate Control” hence the “Lader Gator” wordplay. The client uses the alligator theme on all its branding. The point being that they are “dangerously genuine” when it comes to providing you and your family the finest in all your HVAC needs. “And don’t forget businesses,” Ms. Crimpanfortis adds. “They’re heavily into commercial.” Ms. Crimpanfortis reminds us of a conventional billboard done years ago that showed an alligator going to work carrying an attaché case that was–yikes–made of alligator hide! “That one got the special group PEOPLE yapping at us,” Ms. Crimpanfortis quips. “But don’t worry. We handled it. We always do. We know all the lobby guys.”

“Handling it” is something Hyper-Citation does best, as in handling all of its clients’ creative needs while putting them squarely on the world stage. “They’ve got to be talking about this stuff in Eugene, Katmandu, Oslo and Tokyo,” Ms. Crimpanfortis states. “Otherwise it’s a bust.”

Whether It Slides Headfirst or Tail-first is Open for Debate

In Ohio, the theme of the “Live-Action Billboard” is “Come out of the muck into the Lader world of comfort.” Every quarter hour the alligator will leave the elevated living room and slide down a chute to the swamp. “The star gator will glide down a 200-foot-tall Plexiglas waterslide straight into the swampy dive pool along the shoulder of the Interstate.”

The project is expected to come together in the next few weeks somewhere along 1-70 on the eastern approach to Dayton. All that remains is transporting the reptile from Florida to Ohio. “Right. That’s just another day at the office,” Ms. Crimpanfortis assures us.

# # #